Benton Barby's Author Page
Several months ago Brad and I were talking and he told me of a conversation he'd had. Someone came to him and was greatly troubled as to why there was a worldwide trend of letting "terrible sinners" prominently teach and preach in the church. This person couldn't understand why the church would let professed adulterers, criminals, drug addicts, and other miscreants speak publicly in any way associated with the Christian religion. This person also felt very affronted by this trend. He could not relate to these people and their atrocities, regardless of the fact that they had long since left those things behind. It was one thing to have problems, but quite another to speak about it so openly, and in church no less. This person wondered what the world was coming to, that the only people we could find to lead and preach were those with terrible sin in their past. His question seemed to be: why can't we just have moral, upright, "good Christians" leading, teaching, and preaching?
As a former terrible sinner, and doer of great atrocities, I believe I know the answer to that question.
I have horrible sin in my past and the very thought of it breaks my heart anew. Just to think about what I've done and the people I've hurt is enough to again drive me to the pit of despair. To know that there are people, that I care about and love, which my sins have hurt is beyond what I can bear. The deep sadness and remorse I feel to the very depths of my soul is due to my own sinful and selfish actions. Things that I did without a true thought to who and how many others my sins would hurt. I tell you this and hope you know that it is true: I know what it means to be completely broken.
I realize that not everyone who reads this will understand what it means to be broken, but there are many that know of what I speak. There are those that have had evil deeds committed against them, or who have caused pain and suffering by their own sinful actions, and now live in total brokenness. They've had their souls broken and shattered due to their own actions or the acts of others. They've had everything they thought they knew and believed shattered to the core of their being. And in this brokenness they're drifting on the dark and lonely sea of despair, feeling like they're being tossed and torn by the atrocities of life with no hope of healing or restoration. Believing that they are exactly where they deserve to be: lost and alone at the bottom of a pit that is impossible to climb out of. Completely without hope.
I've been there.
I know that place.
Because I know I could help some people by naming what I've done and empathizing with them I would like to be completely transparent about my past. However, there are those involved that my openness would hurt. But, the details of my sin aren't what I want to talk about right now; instead I want to tell you why I can stand before you now and tell you of Christ's redeeming love. I want to tell you of the hope available to all, regardless of what's happened to you or what you've done. I want to make you understand that there is nothing you have done that God cannot forgive. I want to show you through my life that God can do more than just heal your broken heart, that he can restore you and make you into a completely new creation.
Going back to the original question, "why can't we just have moral, upright, 'good Christians' leading, teaching, and preaching?" I want to relate to you a story of Jesus and how he looks upon those that come to him in their brokenness. "One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.
When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!'
Then Jesus answered his thoughts. 'Simon,' he said to the Pharisee, 'I have something to say to you.'
'Go ahead, Teacher,' Simon replied.
Then Jesus told him this story: 'A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?'
Simon answered, 'I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.'
'That’s right,' Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, 'Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.
' I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.' Then Jesus said to the woman, 'Your sins are forgiven."
The men at the table said among themselves, 'Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?'
And Jesus said to the woman, 'Your faith has saved you; go in peace.' (Luke 7:36-50)" emphasis added.
Recently my faith has been called into question because I am a sinner, just as this immoral woman that washed Christ's feet with her tears. My sin has been pointed out as a reason why I should be silenced. My faith has been called a hypocrisy due to the actions that belong to no one but me. And to these accusations I have no respite. That's the thing about actions; once you've taken action then you are responsible for them. Of course the same is often true for inaction. However, unlike in my past, I have taken my sinful actions to the foot of the cross. I have taken my brokenness and deep remorse to the throne of God and asked him to take it from me. I've sought his forgiveness and fallen upon his mercy. I have finally realized that I can never climb out of the pit of sin that I have dug for myself. It is only through Christ's redeeming love that I have been restored and healed. It is only through his unfailing love that I have been brought back into an unfathomable, personal, intimate relationship with the One-True God. Nothing that I have done, no works nor apologies have been able to restore my soul. My only action was to open the door to my broken heart and let Jesus come in.
It was Jesus, the King of Kings, that through his righteousness was able to bring forgiveness and healing. Without his mercy and love I would be forever lost with no hope of redemption. Just as he forgave the immoral woman he forgave me. He forgave a debt that was immeasurably more than I could ever repay. Before I let myself become consumed with my sin I was a lukewarm Christian. I did not appreciate the gift of eternal life that God had given me. I somehow felt entitled to it, that my debt was really not so great. Sadly, that sense of entitlement led me down a very destructive road and after years of God being merciful and giving me warnings he let me have exactly what I wanted. He gave me over to my sin. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Gal 6:7-8)"
Don't misunderstand, God was not being cruel, he simply let me have what I had been asking for. It's not that he hadn't tried to show me the course I was on, it's not that he didn't discipline me in attempts to bring me back to his love. The problem was that I wouldn't take heed. I felt entitled to so much that hearing what God had to say was more than I was willing to do. I would like to say if I only knew the pain my actions would cause that I would have chosen differently, but deep down I did know and still I did nothing to change my course. My sins were many, again just like the immoral woman, and I only found redemption when I went to the Redeemer.
The immoral woman could have given in to the fear she must have felt when entering the Pharisee's house and never approached Jesus. She could have made up any myriad of excuses to why going to Jesus didn't make sense. She could have continued to try and find healing and restoration on her own. She could have continued to ignore the problem altogether. The reasons and excuses for not seeking Jesus were many, but in the end it came down to one simple truth: only Christ could redeem her.
Only Christ.
It was this truth that I found in the depths of my brokenness. It was this truth that I finally turned to when there was no hope. It was this truth that I clung to when I finally gave up trying to crawl out of my pit of despair on my own. It was this truth that pierced the darkness of my sinful soul. It is this truth that I have planted in the deepest parts of my soul. It is this truth that has enabled me to seek and accept God's forgiveness. It is this truth that has given me redemption. It is this truth that has brought healing and restoration into my life. And in this truth I find my only respite to the accurate assertion that I am a sinner and a hypocrite.
I have found out in the hardest way that God will take what Satan intends for bad and turn it to his glory. Often our response to God determines the glory that is seen. When we are obedient out of our love for God we see his mercy, love, forgiveness, and faithfulness. When we continue in disobedience we see his righteousness, justness, and truth. I have seen his righteousness and felt his justness. But, I have also experienced his mercy, his forgiveness, his unerring faithfulness, and his wondrous love. My debt was overwhelming and he forgave it, canceling my debt. I tell you now, I have been forgiven much and it has enabled me to love much. I would like to have learned the lessons God set out for me so many years ago and forgone all this pain, but unfortunately that's not the reality of the situation. I can only continue in my repentance, accepting the sustaining and fulfilling love that he continually offers and let it overflow from my redeemed heart.
Why are there so many terrible sinners so noticeably teaching, preaching, and leading in the church: because they have been forgiven much and they are showing their love for Christ. And this is why I, a terrible sinner, write for C-FAQ.
As a former terrible sinner, and doer of great atrocities, I believe I know the answer to that question.
I have horrible sin in my past and the very thought of it breaks my heart anew. Just to think about what I've done and the people I've hurt is enough to again drive me to the pit of despair. To know that there are people, that I care about and love, which my sins have hurt is beyond what I can bear. The deep sadness and remorse I feel to the very depths of my soul is due to my own sinful and selfish actions. Things that I did without a true thought to who and how many others my sins would hurt. I tell you this and hope you know that it is true: I know what it means to be completely broken.
I realize that not everyone who reads this will understand what it means to be broken, but there are many that know of what I speak. There are those that have had evil deeds committed against them, or who have caused pain and suffering by their own sinful actions, and now live in total brokenness. They've had their souls broken and shattered due to their own actions or the acts of others. They've had everything they thought they knew and believed shattered to the core of their being. And in this brokenness they're drifting on the dark and lonely sea of despair, feeling like they're being tossed and torn by the atrocities of life with no hope of healing or restoration. Believing that they are exactly where they deserve to be: lost and alone at the bottom of a pit that is impossible to climb out of. Completely without hope.
I've been there.
I know that place.
Because I know I could help some people by naming what I've done and empathizing with them I would like to be completely transparent about my past. However, there are those involved that my openness would hurt. But, the details of my sin aren't what I want to talk about right now; instead I want to tell you why I can stand before you now and tell you of Christ's redeeming love. I want to tell you of the hope available to all, regardless of what's happened to you or what you've done. I want to make you understand that there is nothing you have done that God cannot forgive. I want to show you through my life that God can do more than just heal your broken heart, that he can restore you and make you into a completely new creation.
Going back to the original question, "why can't we just have moral, upright, 'good Christians' leading, teaching, and preaching?" I want to relate to you a story of Jesus and how he looks upon those that come to him in their brokenness. "One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.
When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, 'If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!'
Then Jesus answered his thoughts. 'Simon,' he said to the Pharisee, 'I have something to say to you.'
'Go ahead, Teacher,' Simon replied.
Then Jesus told him this story: 'A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?'
Simon answered, 'I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.'
'That’s right,' Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, 'Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.
' I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.' Then Jesus said to the woman, 'Your sins are forgiven."
The men at the table said among themselves, 'Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?'
And Jesus said to the woman, 'Your faith has saved you; go in peace.' (Luke 7:36-50)" emphasis added.
Recently my faith has been called into question because I am a sinner, just as this immoral woman that washed Christ's feet with her tears. My sin has been pointed out as a reason why I should be silenced. My faith has been called a hypocrisy due to the actions that belong to no one but me. And to these accusations I have no respite. That's the thing about actions; once you've taken action then you are responsible for them. Of course the same is often true for inaction. However, unlike in my past, I have taken my sinful actions to the foot of the cross. I have taken my brokenness and deep remorse to the throne of God and asked him to take it from me. I've sought his forgiveness and fallen upon his mercy. I have finally realized that I can never climb out of the pit of sin that I have dug for myself. It is only through Christ's redeeming love that I have been restored and healed. It is only through his unfailing love that I have been brought back into an unfathomable, personal, intimate relationship with the One-True God. Nothing that I have done, no works nor apologies have been able to restore my soul. My only action was to open the door to my broken heart and let Jesus come in.
It was Jesus, the King of Kings, that through his righteousness was able to bring forgiveness and healing. Without his mercy and love I would be forever lost with no hope of redemption. Just as he forgave the immoral woman he forgave me. He forgave a debt that was immeasurably more than I could ever repay. Before I let myself become consumed with my sin I was a lukewarm Christian. I did not appreciate the gift of eternal life that God had given me. I somehow felt entitled to it, that my debt was really not so great. Sadly, that sense of entitlement led me down a very destructive road and after years of God being merciful and giving me warnings he let me have exactly what I wanted. He gave me over to my sin. "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Gal 6:7-8)"
Don't misunderstand, God was not being cruel, he simply let me have what I had been asking for. It's not that he hadn't tried to show me the course I was on, it's not that he didn't discipline me in attempts to bring me back to his love. The problem was that I wouldn't take heed. I felt entitled to so much that hearing what God had to say was more than I was willing to do. I would like to say if I only knew the pain my actions would cause that I would have chosen differently, but deep down I did know and still I did nothing to change my course. My sins were many, again just like the immoral woman, and I only found redemption when I went to the Redeemer.
The immoral woman could have given in to the fear she must have felt when entering the Pharisee's house and never approached Jesus. She could have made up any myriad of excuses to why going to Jesus didn't make sense. She could have continued to try and find healing and restoration on her own. She could have continued to ignore the problem altogether. The reasons and excuses for not seeking Jesus were many, but in the end it came down to one simple truth: only Christ could redeem her.
Only Christ.
It was this truth that I found in the depths of my brokenness. It was this truth that I finally turned to when there was no hope. It was this truth that I clung to when I finally gave up trying to crawl out of my pit of despair on my own. It was this truth that pierced the darkness of my sinful soul. It is this truth that I have planted in the deepest parts of my soul. It is this truth that has enabled me to seek and accept God's forgiveness. It is this truth that has given me redemption. It is this truth that has brought healing and restoration into my life. And in this truth I find my only respite to the accurate assertion that I am a sinner and a hypocrite.
I have found out in the hardest way that God will take what Satan intends for bad and turn it to his glory. Often our response to God determines the glory that is seen. When we are obedient out of our love for God we see his mercy, love, forgiveness, and faithfulness. When we continue in disobedience we see his righteousness, justness, and truth. I have seen his righteousness and felt his justness. But, I have also experienced his mercy, his forgiveness, his unerring faithfulness, and his wondrous love. My debt was overwhelming and he forgave it, canceling my debt. I tell you now, I have been forgiven much and it has enabled me to love much. I would like to have learned the lessons God set out for me so many years ago and forgone all this pain, but unfortunately that's not the reality of the situation. I can only continue in my repentance, accepting the sustaining and fulfilling love that he continually offers and let it overflow from my redeemed heart.
Why are there so many terrible sinners so noticeably teaching, preaching, and leading in the church: because they have been forgiven much and they are showing their love for Christ. And this is why I, a terrible sinner, write for C-FAQ.
